Under the Covers...

Considering how Archie digests are generally sold through newsstands and supermarket checkout lanes, it makes sense that the covers of the magazines should be designed to attract some attention...

That's why a lot of the covers I've amassed over my childhood rely on fun and sometimes bizarre sight gags. Long time Archie-readers understand that most of the comics in these digests rely on the age-old Archie formulas: Betty plots to steal Archie from Veronica, Veronica plots to steal Archie from Betty, Archie plots to win Mr. Lodge's favor, etc., etc., ad infinitum.

But these covers seem to work best by implying that the books are filled with crazy antics, cartoony gags, and, why not, mythical creatures!

By the time a new reader realizes he's been had, he's already gotten to know the characters, and he's hooked just like the rest of us! Pretty sneaky, Vic!

Even the titles were more interesting back then...

But a lot of covers these days just don't have the same flair...

Nowadays, they're a bit too truthful: "If you enjoy cartoon people sitting around and telling jokes that are older than your grandparents, this is the book for you!"

The sad thing is, these books actually have much crazier content than the old books. Between the combined efforts of Dan Parent, Bill Golliher, and the resurrection of Joe Edward's "Captain Sprocket", the covers should imply that anything goes within these pages!

Instead, we get:

At least they're running this time. That's exciting... right?

Look at this one. This is drawn by Stan Goldberg, who made a majority of the crazy covers I've been praising; but nowadays, even his somewhat whimsical covers are betrayed by weak composition and strangely drawn characters.

Seriously, look at Archie's disproportionately tiny skull here. No wonder he's worried about budget cuts; his lack of a good education is causing him to de-evolve into some sort of modern-day homo habilis! Luckily, he can still manipulate stone tools and pass wood shop!

I guess the point I'm trying to get across here is: If you see an Archie comic with Archie and Jughead sitting at their desks, with Jughead saying something like, "If it weren't for Grundy's class, I'd never get any sleep at all!", don't be fooled! Look inside: if you see Li'l Jinx and Fat Charley, crudely drawn Little Archies by Dexter Taylor, or an old Glen Scarpelli in Hollywood comic, you're in for a wild ride...